Weird Things that Come Into the E.R.

[TRX350_On_The_Rack]

 
 FEMALE SOFA----- A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
 hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
 her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
 control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.
 eeewwwww.....
 
 
 PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with
 lacerations to his thingy. He complained that his wife had "...a rat
 in her privates..." which bit him during sex! (not the first conclusion
 I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife,
 it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
 recent hysterectomy.
 
 
 PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a
 stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were
 fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of
 pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm
 sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock!), causing
 constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball.
 (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)
 
 BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
 complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses.
 He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!
 
 
 A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in
 bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomenand the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's thingy and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation,
 the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.
 
 

 
 

[bigscrub79]

LMAO that is hillarious.

[darkside submarine]

Stabed her in the head.LMAO

[enniehall]

Got these from the same site...I got a kick out of a few
Medical Quotes

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.


The patient has no past history of suicides.


The patient refused an autopsy.


The patient states there is a burning pain in his p*nis which goes to his feet.


She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.


Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.


Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.


By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.


The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.


On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.


Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.


I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.


The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.


The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.


The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.


Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

[TRX350_On_The_Rack]

My personal favorite The patient has no past history of suicides.

Here's your sign 

[enniehall]

The patient refused an autopsy.
 

[bigscrub79]

Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

That is the funniest

[MrsPureLogic]

a remote
control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.
eeewwwww.....

That's is SO disgusting and wrong!!  LOL

[Southern4x4]

lol 2 all 

[AintSkeered]

He didn't have to stab her in the head with a fork, all he had to do was say, "Honey, that dress makes you look fat".

[cd4mud]

He didn't have to stab her in the head with a fork, all he had to do was say, "Honey, that dress makes you look fat".

LOL