New millenium Hallmark cards......

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

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> My tire was thumping.
>
> I thought it was flat
>
> When I looked at the tire...
>
> I noticed your cat.
>
> Sorry!
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Heard your wife left you,
>
> How upset you must be.
>
> But don't fret about it...
>
> She moved in with me.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Looking back over the years
>
> that we've been together,
>
> I can't help but wonder...
>
> "What the hell was I thinking?"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Congratulations on your wedding day!
>
> Too bad no one likes your husband.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> How could two people as beautiful as you
>
> Have such an ugly baby?
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> I've always wanted to have
>
> someone to hold,
>
> someone to love.
>
> After having met you,
>
> I've changed my mind.
>
> --------------------------------------
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
>
> I never believed in Hell until I met you.
>
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>
> As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
>
> That you're not here to ruin it for me.
>
> ####################################################
>
> Congratulations on your promotion.
>
> Before you go...
>
> Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
>
> You'll probably need it again.
>
> ****************************************************************************
> ****
>
> Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
>
> (Available only in Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, & West Virginia)
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
>
> Almost Lifelike!
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> When we were together,
>
> you always said you'd die for me.
>
> Now that we've broken up,
>
> I think it's time you kept your promise.
>
> ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
> //////////////////////////////////////////
>
> We have been friends for a very long time ..
>
> let's say we stop?
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> I'm so miserable without you
>
> it's almost like you're here.
>
> =====================================================
>
> Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
>
> Did you ever find out who the father was?
>
> %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
>
> Your friends and I wanted to do
>
> something special for your birthday.
>
> So we're having you put to sleep.
>
>
> ))))))))))))))))))))
>
> So your daughter's a hooker,
>
> and it spoiled your day.
>
> Look at the bright side,
>
> it's really good pay.