blonde jokes

[Honda328i]

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."

POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home, too."

POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here!!!"

[KXKID]

lol nice one

[Southern4x4]

I got a better one.A blonde and a guy were sitting at a bar.There is a guy that is suppsed to jump off a building.The guy says to the blonde I bet he will jump the blonde says I bet he wont.The guy jumps.The blonde goes you won it fair and square the guy says no I saw it on the 5 oclock news the blonde says I saw it  too but I didnt think he wouldnt jump agin.

[Ms.Mud]

huh, that last one didnt make much sense!!!!lol

[Southern4x4]

The guy bets the blonde that the guy on the building wont jump.The blonde bets the guy will.The guy jumps then the blonde goes you won it fair and square.The guy says no I saw it on the 5 oclock news .The blonde goes I did to but I didnt think he would jump agin.The blonde thinks the guy on the building jumped agin.

[KXKID]

..................that still doesent sound right

[TRX350_On_The_Rack]

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit their Uncle's ranch and soon are in financial trouble. So, they decide they needed to buy a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving to purchase a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll send you an email to drive out
with the truck and trailer to haul it to the ranch."
 
Later, the brunette arrives at the seller's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

She has just $600. So, after paying him, she drives to the nearest library to send her sister the email.

She walks up to the librarian and says, "I want to send an email to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch and I need her to hitch the trailer to the pickup truck and drive out here, so we can haul it home."

The librarian replies that she'd be glad to help her, then adds, "It is 99 cents a word." With only $1 left, she realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes her head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a California blonde. The word is big, so she'll read it very slowly, "com-for-da-bul!"

[bigscrub79]

lol thats funny

[Ms.Mud]

lol thats funny

[mudmonkey]

a blonde and her boyfriend go to the movies and she asks for some m&ms. when he gives them to her, she immediatley takes out all of the brown m&ms. when her boyfriend asks why, she replies
" i am allergic to chocolate"!

[MuddyGurl101]

Coming from a blonde myself.......  This is corny but something my brother says to me every time we talk.

What is the only smart blonde? A golden retriever
.

[darkside submarine]

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?1972 world hide and go seek champion.

[Honda328i]

JACK'S TELEPHONE NUMBER...
 
Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry; I don't understand who you are talking about".
 
Blonde Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the computer from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning.
 
Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

[TRX350_On_The_Rack]

LOL

[yunt2ride]

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?1972 world hide and go seek champion.

That right there is some funny stuff.

[Honda328i]

Lawyer and a Blonde
 
A lawyer and a blonde happen to be sitting next to each other on a long
cross-country flight.  The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would
like to play a fun game.  Now this blonde happens to be highly intelligent,
but she is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.  The lawyer persists, saying
that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game
works.
 
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and
vice-versa."  Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some
sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily
win the match, so he makes another offer:  "Okay, how about this: if you
don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I
will pay you $500."
 
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end
to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer
asks the first question.  "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
 
Now it's the blonde's turn.  She asks the lawyer:  "What goes up a hill with
three legs, and comes back down with four?"  The lawyer looks at her with a
puzzled look.  He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references.  He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the
internet and even the Library of Congress.  Frustrated, he sends E-mails to
all his colleagues and friends, trying to get some help.
 
All to no avail.
 
After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up.  He
wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and
turns away to get back to sleep.
 
The lawyer, who cannot imagine what the answer is, is going nuts trying to
figure it out. He wakes the blonde again and asks:  "Well, so what goes up a
hill with three legs and comes back down with four?"
 
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to
sleep.

[bigscrub79]

LMAO now that is funny.

[Southern4x4]

lol thats to funny

[onefastkid]

Smart blonde, oxymoron no? lol

[Ms.Mud]

Lawyer and a Blonde
 
A lawyer and a blonde happen to be sitting next to each other on a long
cross-country flight.  The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would
like to play a fun game.  Now this blonde happens to be highly intelligent,
but she is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.  The lawyer persists, saying
that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game
works.
 
"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and
vice-versa."  Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some
sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily
win the match, so he makes another offer:  "Okay, how about this: if you
don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I
will pay you $500."
 
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end
to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer
asks the first question.  "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
 
Now it's the blonde's turn.  She asks the lawyer:  "What goes up a hill with
three legs, and comes back down with four?"  The lawyer looks at her with a
puzzled look.  He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references.  He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the
internet and even the Library of Congress.  Frustrated, he sends E-mails to
all his colleagues and friends, trying to get some help.
 
All to no avail.
 
After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up.  He
wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and
turns away to get back to sleep.
 
The lawyer, who cannot imagine what the answer is, is going nuts trying to
figure it out. He wakes the blonde again and asks:  "Well, so what goes up a
hill with three legs and comes back down with four?"
 
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to
sleep.

HUH?!?! i dont get, i mean  i get almost all of it, but not the end 

[onefastkid]

She didn't know the answer to the question either. In other words, she outsmarted the lawyer by "bending the rules".

[Southern4x4]

she scamed him out of 500$

[onefastkid]

Correction- $490

[Southern4x4]

but it rounds off to 500$ lol i hate math but come on 

[qt314nfla]

Ok, here's my revenge on the blond jokes.

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
     - a brunette who's told too many blond jokes.

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
   - No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one liners?
   - So guys / brunettes can remember them.

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    - invisible

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
   - an invitation

What's a brunettes mating call?
   - Have all the blondes left yet?

What do you call going on a date w/ a brunette?
   - Brown bagging it.