Some Jokes

[TRX350_On_The_Rack]

 
 Drunken Man and Blonde

  After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, ''You wanna hear a blonde joke?'' The person replies, ''I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?''

The man thinks for a while and replies, ''Not if I have to explain it three times.''
 

2 Canadian Guys    
 
  Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
 

Nutty Hunters   
 
  Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all his life, but Steve was hunting for the first time. Joe told Steve to sit down and not make a sound. So he did.
But when Joe got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said.

"Well, I was when the snake bit me," said Steve. "And I was when the bear attacked me... but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat them or take them with us,' I screamed."
 

[gery350]

i like the canadian one. but we dont call them canadians.

[bigscrub79]

LOL very funny.

[apkkfx400]

those are good!!

[big-daddy]

Man,  are you in trouble now... with the Blond joke   

[qt314nfla]

Actually BD, I love blond jokes.  I have thousands of them saved in files.  I only commented the other day cause you seemed to think that you were following his lead on blond jokes when in fact it was clearly not a blond joke.

Sorry to disappoint you.

[big-daddy]

Their you go again... QTpie better stop using that bottle blond stuff its starting to mess up your brain cells. did you find your flashlight? 

[qt314nfla]

Nope still in search of the flashlight.  It was an xmas gift.  So finding it would be good.  I have to mess w/ ppl.  No harm meant in my joking around and giving ppl crap.

[big-daddy]

hope you find it. did you ask Shelton? Sorry, TRX350 for highjacking your thread alittle. BTW, I liked the nutty hunter one.

[Da_Mtg_Man]

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming.

He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before. 

Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store. 

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! " 

Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child! 

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?" 

"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher!"

[Honda328i]

In risk of offending someone, I will just offend everyone, so now we are even

Here goes:

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh!t..."

[TRX350_On_The_Rack]

In risk of offending someone, I will just offend everyone, so now we are even

Here goes:

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh!t..."

You call that offensive