Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1: Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2: Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3: Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4: Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5: Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6: Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7: Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8: Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9: Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10: Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11: Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12: Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13: Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14: Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15: Frisbeetarianism (n.) (Back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16: Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
