Jokes about Men for the Ladies, Sorry Guys.

> One day my housework-challenged husband
>
> decided to wash his sweatshirt.
>
> Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
>
> room, he shouted to me, "What setting do
>
> I use on the washing machine?"
>
> "It depends," I replied. "What does it
>
> say on your shirt?"
>
> He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
>
>
>
> And they say blondes are dumb...
>
>
>
> _____________________________________
>
>
>
> A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
>
> "I am going to make you the happiest
>
> woman in the world"
>
> The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
>
> ____________________________________
>
>
>
> "It's just too hot to wear clothes
>
> today," Jack says as he
>
> stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what
>
> do you think the neighbors would think
>
> if I mowed the lawn like this?"
>
> "Probably that I married you for your
>
> money," she replied.
>
> _________________________________
>
>
>
> He said - Since I first laid eyes on you,
>
> I have wanted to make love to you
>
> really badly. She said -
>
> Well, you succeeded.
>
> ____________________
>
>
>
> He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
>
> She said - That's a good idea... you
>
> stand by the ironing board while I sit
>
> on the sofa and fart.
>
> _______________________
>
>
>
> He said - What have you been doing with
>
> all the grocery money I gave you? She
>
> said -turn sideways and look in the mirror
>
> ______________________
>
>
>
>
>
> Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking,
>
> sensitive man?
>
> A: A rumor
>
> ___________________
>
>
>
> A man and his wife, now in their 60's,
>
> were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On
> their
>
> special day a good fairy came to them and said that
> because
>
> they had been so good, each one of them could have one
>
> wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with
> her
>
> husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise
> tickets
>
> in her hands.
>
> The man wished for a female companion 30
>
> years younger...
>
> Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
>
>
>
> Gotta love that fairy!
>
> __________________
>
>
>
> A PRAYER....
>
> Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
>
> Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
>
> Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
>
> I'll beat him to death.
>
> AMEN
>
> ______________________________
>
>
>
> Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
>
> A: When you can just barely slip your
>
> finger in between his neck and the noose.
>
> _________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: Why do little boys whine?
>
> A: They are practicing to be men.
>
> ______________________________
>
>
>
> Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
>
> A: One-he just holds it up there and
>
> waits for the world to revolve around him.
>
> OR Three-one to screw in the bulb, and
>
> two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
>
> A: Trustworthy.
>
> _________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: What does it mean when a man is in
>
> your bed gasping for breath and calling
>
> your name?
>
> A: You did not hold the pillow down long
>
> enough.
>
> _________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to
>
> fertilize one egg?
>
> A: Because not one will stop and ask
>
> directions.
>
> _________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill
>
> their males after mating?
>
> A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
>
> __________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: Why do men whistle when they are
>
> sitting on the toilet?
>
> A: It helps them remember which end
>
> they need to wipe.
>
> ___________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: What is the difference between men and women?
>
> A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her
>
> every need. A man wants every woman to
>
> satisfy his one need.
>
> __________________________________
>
>
>
> Q: How do you keep your husband from
>
> reading your e-mail?
>
> A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"