A few Jokes

[IXIswamperIXI]

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.


Johnny said, "I'll be fast.
I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up.
"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.


Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down.
"

So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.


Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, "The Ba***rd used coins!"

[IXIswamperIXI]

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy

with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,

fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.
' The husband

replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

[IXIswamperIXI]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class,

I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might

consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death

in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A

smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What

would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter

sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,

shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam

with your other hand.

[IXIswamperIXI]

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but

she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, ' Do

these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're

dead.'

[IXIswamperIXI]

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?' the

flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John

asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.