Marriage

MARRIAGE

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and
I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to
be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want
with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ...
... whether you're here or not."

(SHE'S GOOD!)

*****

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm
getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

*****

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you
are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long
to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

*****

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time
to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave
as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

*****

Marriage (Part V)

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man
realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He
left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about
to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is
5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.