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Title: Only in........ Post by: LakeMaryKid on July 07, 2005, 03:40:31 PM Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. Only in America.....do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. ! Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America......do we! buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America......do ! we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House. Let me add something here... Only in America.....does a kid move 100's of miles away from their family. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- EVER WONDER .... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? ! Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ! Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! ! Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair] 2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special] 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And that would be how...?] 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion] 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!] 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating. [As sure as night follows the day . . . . .] 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?] 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.] 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". [One would hope] 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?] 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious]. 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [Im glad they told me...] 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet,eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta] 14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!] 15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". [Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?.....Good grief!] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while Title: Re: Only in........ Post by: J.D. on July 08, 2005, 08:52:44 AM ;D
Title: Re: Only in........ Post by: Yamaha72 on July 09, 2005, 10:23:44 PM that was a good laugh. What website did you find that at? Because the person who wrote that must be British because Tesco's, Sainsbury's, Boot's, and Mark's and Spencer's are all located in England. I've never seen one in America...
Title: Re: Only in........ Post by: mudmonkey on September 11, 2005, 10:58:41 AM very funny!! :Clap.gif :Y
Title: Re: Only in........ Post by: Southern4x4 on September 11, 2005, 11:19:13 AM lol
Title: Re: Only in........ Post by: yunt2ride on September 12, 2005, 05:27:41 PM Something else thats amazing, that I have never understood is this.
I drink 3, 32oz cups of sweet tea a day, That should equal 96oz total. I only urinate part of that. I would say half or maybe even 1 cup, for a total of 16 to 32 ozs. Then why didn't I gain 64 to 80ozs, which should be 4 or 5lbs. LOL Title: Re: Only in........ Post by: Da_Mtg_Man on September 12, 2005, 05:41:29 PM I know, It's because you're already full of sh@#. ;D
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