ATV Florida Forum

Cain it looks like its a growing trend.
 


The stay-at-home dad played by Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom bumbles through everything from his unruly baby's run-in with a vacuum cleaner to her destructive romp through the grocery store.

That image of the househusband is comical and might have been accurate in the 1980s, when the film was made. But today's stay-at-home fathers -- numbering about 2 million and growing -- are a different breed altogether.

"They see themselves as professional parents; the job they're doing is raising children," said Libby Gill, author of Stay-at-Home Dads: The Essential Guide to Creating the New Family. "The image of Mr. Mom is cute but not very accurate."

Gill, a Los Angeles media consultant, should know -- and not only from the research she did for her book. Her husband stayed at home with their two boys, now 8 and 11, from the start.

"My husband and I decided we wanted a full-time parent," she said. "I had the job with more stability."

She and others familiar with the situation say the trend has grown primarily out of practical and economic considerations -- but also because it's more widely accepted than ever.

Two out of five women today out-earn their husbands, according to Gill. So for families who want one parent at home, having the father stay with the kids is increasingly feasible.

"You see who is the best candidate," Gill said. "You do it by design, not by default … If you consider Dad a viable candidate, you've doubled your options."

Stay-at-home dad and former journalist Seth Agulnick fits this trend. For him and his veterinarian wife, Leslie, the choice became clear soon after their son Aaron was born.

"The initial impetus was simply that I was burned out at my job," said Agulnick, 32, of Raymond, N.H. "The rest was practical: Leslie can make a lot more so if we were going to live on one salary, we could do it better on hers."

Those at BabyTalk magazine have also seen evidence of the phenomenon. In the September issue, the publication ran the results of a "Mom vs. Dad" survey that generated responses from 26,500 parents, 11,500 of them fathers. Four percent of the pops were home full-time.

"I think that's a growing number," said managing editor Sally Tusa. "Certainly this is a growing trend. In the past, there was a stigma, but it's starting to become a lot more normal."

She, too, said the main factors influencing parents' decisions are salary and benefits.

"That's not to say they don't care about being good parents and being with the kids," Tusa said. "But they're very practical."

Agulnick said he loves staying home and wouldn't go back to work, at least not any time soon. But he doesn't buy into the parenting-as-profession theory.

"Anyone who tells you it's like having a full-time job is crazy," said Agulnick. "There aren't too many jobs where you can take a nap in the afternoon or walk in the park."

But just like their female counterparts, many at-home dads feel isolated and grapple with having to justify their situation to family, friends, strangers -- and even themselves.

On the flip side, working moms struggle with guilt and the stigma that they must be bad mothers who have abandoned their children.

"Everyone is getting it from all sides," Tusa said. "I hope some day we get to the point where we can all say, 'you've made the right parenting choice for you.'"

The at-home father/working mother scenario isn't right for every family. Plenty of couples manage -- and need to -- balance parenthood and two careers, and many others find the old-fashioned mom at home, dad at work situation is best for them.

No matter what setup a couple decides on, it doesn't have to be permanent.

"This is not a life sentence," Gill said. "Parents can trade places."

For Agulnick's part, he's happy with his arrangement -- and keeps a sense of humor about it.

"The best part is they're changing so much from day to day that you can literally see the development. It's incredible," he said. "I am having fun. We'll see how long I can stand it."

I've been working at home for 8 years, then the first kid came 6 years ago. Now I also have a 2 year old. This is why I can rarely make a group ride as my wife works weekends most of the time. But soon they will be old enough to come with me and not make me pull my hair out. So I don't think I exactly fit the "full time fathers" mold as they are called in the article. If I wasn't working on something, even if its for peanuts, I'd lose my mind. Although I may have lost half of it half of the time. I'd be a liar if I didn't say I'm looking forward to when my youngest is 5 and they are both going to school. I'd be free from 7:30am to 2:30 in the afternoon. I could be riding (uh, I mean doing research for the site  ;)) everyday! Only 3 years to go!

Research shows that children that have more supervision from fathers are less likely to do drugs, and more likely to do well in school and social situations. And if anyone can manage to have one parent provide a nice income working 3 days a week I say more power to them  ;)

Bones - I know how you feel, I thought about putting my kids in school to get that break every day for me and the wife, but not with today's schools. Mine are all home schooled. Which gives us more flexibility. We can go riding during the week, camping, on vacation what ever when ever. It's nice.
Besides my wife only works 3 days per week so it's not like I'm "full time"

Home Schooled ?  who the teacher?

Someone that know's how to appropriately use an apostrophe and the letter s to functionally couple them with the word "who" to make the knew inquisitive word "who's"  ;)

That would be someone that knows how. Not know's. You incorrectly used an apostrophe while telling him how to use an apostrophe.

knew word? That would be new. 

Sorry dude. I couldn't resist!!!!  :-*

LMAO we're all human. Occasionally typos happen.. it's when it's every sentence that it demonstrates your knowledge and use of proper spelling and grammar  ;)

He!! I didn't said I was a teacher..... So I guest the answer is YOU.  I have a question? So what happens if they want to go to college?

I'm sure you're leading to a shot at me but that's ok, info for those interested in home schooling their own kids (I highly recommend it if you can swing it) 
They are in a state accredited program using Abeka religious materials. They are ahead of all their friends in public schools. Not only CAN they go to college, they get the first 2 years free at local community colleges because they were home schooled. They can also go to the local public school for part of the day for things like P.E. , but mine attend many other activities instead. There are many home school groups, including karate, and the YMCA. And although my wife does the teaching, I could. I have a college education and I can teach in the public school system if I want.

No shots....Cain I'm sure you are a great teacher, but don't you think that it maybe a problem went they need to get a job and employer see Home Schooled

Not at all. Like I said they are ahead of their cohorts in education. Besides, they'll be attending college. When was the last time someone with a college degree was asked for high school transcripts ?  And as popular as home schooling is, I don't forsee that being an issue any way.  I've got a friend that graduated with her 2 year degree AND high school diploma at the age of 17. She's now a pharmacist making great money.

Good to know.... Do you teach Black History?

Yeah and I even took my son to spend the weekend with a little cuban boy at river ranch to expose him to other cultures.

I believe Tebow was home schooled. After he did his thing at school he then went to football practice at the high school. Somehow I don't think Coach Meyer was worried about the home schooling aspect.

Dalton Mayer is also home schooled........ you know the youngest pro rider signed by Kawasaki  8)

i go to public school and i hate it, not just because it's school either, half the dang day you just sit there and stare at the bored it's ridiculous i want to take inernet class's but my mom aint so cool with that. school is a joke now, the administrators just want to make themselves look better so they put the crack down on you so they can get more money for your work. it's bs.

jake

Jake, please stay in school.   Instead of staring at the """bored""", try to learn.  Especially, learn to read, write, and comprehend what's on the board.  That way you can create a proper sentence, without grammatical errors.  Call me stupid, but it might even help you in the future.     

Stop slaughtering the language Able. Big Daddy has a legitimate excuse, you don't. ;)

  www.mrmoms.org

Heres a couple links to a website on the subject .
The guy just happened to ride at Bad Luck Prairie , so you get to read about single parenting and great ridin place we had before we got screwed.
 >:(

www.mrmoms.org

http://www.mrmoms.org/BadLuck/BadLuck.htm

http://www.mrmoms.org/BadLuck2/BadLuck2.htm

Great links. Thanks for posting it.

wrong again Cain little Ricky is Just like his Dad.......... an American. Now who the one taking shots? Ask about the black history, because I think it sucks. 

What sucks? Cains overt racism against black folks or black history in general?

Ium suo sowree Il wurk aun et  :D

one month of learning black history when he could be learning something else.

I can't believe they spend an entire month teaching black history in public school here. I don't remember that when I attended it.

Up in Georgia where my daughter is in public school they spend way too much time teaching them to pass the various mandated tests like the CRCT or FCAT to receive funding. I thought it was the same in Florida these days.

February 30th is Ebonics, and learning to spell with Darnell :N

I'm graduating in a few months, and I can say that the first two years of highschool were nothing but FCAT. You actually start learning valuable stuff in the 11th, and 12th grade. I start college in June. Since there is no FCAT there, it should be a fun experience lol.

Personally, I think the entire manner in which we educate our children needs to be revamped. In fact, in comparison to the rest of the world, I'd say we're a bit behind. My thoughts?

1. Do away with forced integration and redistricting. Study after study shows that student learn more efficiently when placed in an environment consistent with their upbringing. In otherwords, don't bus ghetto Tom into a school with suburb Larry or vice-versa. It makes no sense monetarily or educationally [sic].

2. Clamp down on the illegals diluting our schools. Standards are constantly being lowered to accommodate illegal immigrants. With the touchy feely "everyone is a winner" mentality in today's school systems, administrations would rather slow the pace at the cost of the many to satisfy the feeble minds of a few.

3. Enough with the college stigma already. It's overrated. Look, I've got an AA, two BS degrees, an MBA and a JD. I've been there, done it and got the pretty framed pieces of paper to prove it. Time after time I saw people who were in college simply because: (a) they were always told it was the thing to do; (b) Mommy and Daddy insisted and were paying for it; or (c) they had no other option. You know what? These people were just occupying space that they didn't want or deserve and that should have been filled by someone desiring it. If you don't want to go to college.....don't go. There is nothing wrong in any way shape or form with learning a vocation instead of earning a degree. This brings me to my fourth point.

4. Bring on the vocational education. No, not your dank, run down vo-tech campuses. I'm talking real high-end, serious vocational programs wherein students get the opportunity to pursue their true desires in an atmosphere that fuels the same. Take a page from our German or Icelandic counterparts. They've adhered to this program for decades with huge success. Student get to pursue their dreams and come out with a real skill that will do them well the rest of their career.

5. Finally, cut the crap. What do I mean? I mean, stop all the feel good, don't keep score, politically correct horse crap that's practiced in today's educational system. Stop rewarding mediocre performance and require the best attempt at perfection. I recently saw an interview on CNN with a public school teacher of 30 years. She said that a gifted student used to be one that was truly "gifted". Now days, she says a gifted student is one that will actually do their homework. The FCAT is not difficult and yes I've seen the test. It should be a moderate task at best, for today's students. You can bet the rest of the civilized world is producing students capable of handling this type of test. LEts not perpetuate the "lazy American" stigma with our children. Good Lord, we're the most powerful nation on earth. We should produce the most powerful minds as well.

I'm not saying this is a cure to everything. But, I know a thing or two about modern education and these are just my ideas on how to improve things. I'm wide open for suggestions and comment.   ;)

All fantastic point Anoriginal. I've taken care of most by simply home schooling.  college is not for everyone, but I guarantee mine are going  ;)  Mine are encouraged, corrected, and directed in  a positive reinforcing mannor that inspires,  promotes initiative and rewards success. The public system is all but ruined, which is why mine won't spend a day in public schools. One of their friends fell behind in reading because she was helping a non-English speaking student learn English instead of focusing on her education. I believe in a holistic approach and that children do derive part of their being from biological traits they receive from their parents, but they are in many ways influenced by their environments. You can't take someone with a 75 IQ and make him a brain surgeon, and someone with a 145 IQ can be corrupted. Mine are being taken care of.

I agree with everything you have proposed.

I thought everybody already knew this but were just too skeered not to be politically correct >:(

bill gates is a college dropout. didn't he buy the rights to microsoft for like 50 grand or something? what a dummy ;) jk

Einstein flunked out of school. Doesn't mean that you can't be successful without going to college, but with a competitive market where there are more people looking than there are jobs a degree could be the make or break factor. Besides, you can't be a doctor, lawyer, etc. without a college education no matter how bright you are  ;)

Wanna bet ;D ;D ;D

Sure. You go get your M.D. without going to many years of college then let me know  :P  ( I don't mean an honorary PHD or anything - )