ATV Florida Forum

Instructions on how to change the oil in your car -

FOR WOMAN
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

MONEY SPENT
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
TOTAL $21.00

FOR MEN
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50 00
2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8 ) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in the process.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18 ) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in backyard instead of taking it to be recycle!
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28 ) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38 ) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the influence.
48 ) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

MONEY SPENT
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
TOTAL -- $4165.00

BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!!!

For me a oil change is bake brownies drive truck up to husbands shop and give brownies to one of his mechanics and get oil change for price of brownies

Hey will that work for all of us? I make a mean chocolate cake ;D

For me I just call the dealer and make an appointment for a Saturday.  Drop the car off and have my husband follow me with his truck to pick me up.  Hours later we go back and pick it up.  

Saturday? You are supose to be riding  :o LOL


I did mine yesterday, I get free oil changes at the dealer.
But I hate making appointments for that  >:(

The other option for those of you that have husbands to do this job....
Sweetly ask hubby to change oil.  Sit inside and enjoy peaceful day of Lifetime Movie's while hubby going through above steps.  During commercials walk to the garage periodically for a good laugh.  Back inside to watch Lifetime movie's w/o interruption.
End of day hubby too drunk to do anything so no back poking during the night.  Peaceful nights sleep w/o Mr. Happy interruptions.
Option 2:  Do it yourself and the job won't take so long.  Women can do the job w/o getting side tracked.

Unfortunately, it costs too much to take mine in so I have to do it myself.  For now.... By the way, job opening for sweet, handsome, not mechanically challenged man for lawn mowing, and car maintenance benefits include......fill in the blank.

Wish I could just ask the hubby, but I have to have service records of mine.  I have a Kia it has that 10 year 100,000 mile warranty but you need service records and all that good stuff.  

Now my husband does all the ATV oil changes

I appreciate the offer but really it was more of a retoricle(sp?) question.

(http://fool.exler.ru/sm/lam.gif)

One for the Ladies  ;)

I am married to the grizz so oil changes are part of the fringe benefits
                     Mama Grizz

hihihihihihihihih ;D

LOL that's is so true ;D

I buy the oil and filter and give it to my boyfriend to do. It usually sits around for months but at least it doesn't sit in the shop. LOL!  ;D

Technically, I could change my own oil.  (My dad raised me to be as self-sufficient as possible...either that or he wished I was a boy, haven't really decided yet)  But I still bring it in to the shop to get it done.  But it's nice to know that for whatever reason if I couldn't bring it in to the shop, I could do it myself.