WOODS STOP
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The gas station attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greeting the golf star in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of his identity. "Top of the mornin' to you, sir," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello," and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees," replies Tiger. "Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger. "Jaysus, sweet Mary and Joseph," says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everything!"
DROOL
Q: What does it mean when a redneck's baby drools out of both sides of its mouth?
A: The trailer is level.
PRESCRIPTION
Bill walks into a pharmacy and asks for a bottle of Viagra. The pharmacist says, "Do you have a prescription?" Bill says, "No, but here's a picture of my wife."
REALLY UGLY
Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
