For the divorced parents out there.....

[Ida_Mann]

non-hypothetical case here.

Pretend you are the non-custodial parent who has not missed any visitation time in the last 6 years since you started visitation.  The custodial parent makes a schedule for the month of January that you agree to all via email(which is about the only way you communicate).  This schedule includes the weekends.

The custodial parents has now decided that she is mad at you and is not allowing you to keep the weekend schedule, and has threatened to take away one of the full weeks you have had scheduled.

What do you do when the Volusia County Sherrif's office sits on their hands in the back of the office when you go there asking for help?

What do you do when the Orange County Courthouse says they will have to schedule a hearing before a judge?

What do you do when you know if you confront her at her house, the only thing she needs to do is call the Volusia County Sherrif and SAY you hit her and you go off to jail?

What do you do?

Id@

[MuddFreak77]

Document what has happened and the reason you cannot have the child.  When the court case arrives present the info.

Best info I can give

[Mr. Fixit]

When the child is old enough to understand what is going on and able to do something about it,it will come back to bite mom in the a$$. Few things can come between father and daughter.

[Ida_Mann]

When the child is old enough to understand what is going on and able to do something about it,it will come back to bite mom in the a$$. Few things can come between father and daughter.

she's been pulling this crap for about 6 years,,,,I hope my daughter grows up soon.

Id@

[digginfool]

Nothing is worse than the push and pull of will when it comes to divorcees and their children.  The most important thing is to maintain the best environment possible for the kids and never involve them; they don't need to be thrust into the middle.  If the mother has already demonstrated this type of behavior, you rising above it will do more for you and your children down the road.  What I mean by that is to never bad-mouth mom or involve your child in areas they are not equipped to deal with or should have to deal with.  You should keep a log of all interactions with your ex.  You should even print the emails and make it a part of your file.  It will be proof when the time comes to do something in court.  In the meantime, just stay in touch with your kids and make the best of what time you do have with them.  A phone call does wonders for a child that is sitting home wondering if dad still loves them.  My brother followed these rules and eventually, once they were old enough to make their own decision, both his son and daughter went to live with him.  The son grew up to be a software engineer and the daughter is entering med school this summer.  Had they stayed with their mother, I doubt they would have even finished high school.  Best of luck to you. 

[ebtrx450r]

I commend your words digginfool!  You stole the words from my mouth.

My parents had one of the nastiest divorces you could ever imagine. I wouldn't change it for anything. It has given me great insight for when I have children. It's a sad situation for the parents and even more sad for the children. Like he said just be there for your child and NEVER put them in the middle! Which is what it seems she is doing by revoking your agreed schedule. Children are NOT meant to be used as weapons! Which is what frequently happens in divorce these days. Unfortunately you can't do anything without a court hearing. Without going to jail atleast. Keep your documents. Take the higher ground! It will pay off! Good luck! If I can be of any help let me know.

[2ndtime04gt]

non-hypothetical case here.

Pretend you are the non-custodial parent who has not missed any visitation time in the last 6 years since you started visitation.  The custodial parent makes a schedule for the month of January that you agree to all via email(which is about the only way you communicate).  This schedule includes the weekends.

The custodial parents has now decided that she is mad at you and is not allowing you to keep the weekend schedule, and has threatened to take away one of the full weeks you have had scheduled.

What do you do when the Volusia County Sherrif's office sits on their hands in the back of the office when you go there asking for help?

What do you do when the Orange County Courthouse says they will have to schedule a hearing before a judge?

What do you do when you know if you confront her at her house, the only thing she needs to do is call the Volusia County Sherrif and SAY you hit her and you go off to jail?

What do you do?

Id@

Have the SO meet you at the house when you pick up the child and confront her there. My friend was not allowed to see his daughter for 376 days in a row due to a total pregnant dog of a wife, and im not just saying that because he is a friend. He is a teacher and absolutely great with kids and always did the right thing. He was patient and it all worked out in the end, so far. Unfortunately its been going on so long, its usually the kids who suffer. I wish you good luck.

[Ida_Mann]

I tried to head her off for this weekend and get to my daughter before my ex got off of work,,,,apparently my ex thought of that and took the day off and picked her up directly from school.

After I calmed down a bit, I was able to read through the divorce agreement that was filed with the court and am able to prove through that that the weekend schedule she is going by is wrong according to the court,,,,,,I think a judge needs to be involved now.

Id@

[stacktester]

Ida,
I had this same prob when I got divorced. You have to stay calm and just blow the ex off. Reacting pissed off let's her know she got to you. The best thing to do is call the lawyer who did ur divorce or the judges chamber who signed the order. He will then decide if she is in contempt and she better have a real good reason this child didn't get to see her dad.
I had an ex g/f who's husband had custody of her 3 boys and she wanted them to stay over on a night that wasn't hers. He raised hell and said he was going to call the cops. This is the deal. The S/O is cannot enforce divorce papers. (Told to me by several lawyers). They can be called and go out to the house but all they can do is suggest. Unless the child is being abused nothing is going to happen to her. The crappy thing is, is that when u do get her in front of a judge he's just gonna fuss at her. They got so much of this crap everyday that it's like us taking a leak in the morning. They hear it over and over.
I have a 9 y/o daughter and thankfully my ex has been great with visitation. Other things she sucks on but that is one thing I get plenty of.

Donnie

[dnigels]

Children are very perceptive.  Always take the high road, resist lowering yourself to the exe's level and most importantly remember that your daughter needs a DAD not another friend.

[greenmachine]

Unfortunately in Florida, the woman usually gets over on the man 9 times out of 10. I feel for ya, good luck & document everything with a witness.

[SWAMP_DONKEY]

non-hypothetical case here.

Pretend you are the non-custodial parent who has not missed any visitation time in the last 6 years since you started visitation.  The custodial parent makes a schedule for the month of January that you agree to all via email(which is about the only way you communicate).  This schedule includes the weekends.

The custodial parents has now decided that she is mad at you and is not allowing you to keep the weekend schedule, and has threatened to take away one of the full weeks you have had scheduled.

What do you do when the Volusia County Sherrif's office sits on their hands in the back of the office when you go there asking for help?

What do you do when the Orange County Courthouse says they will have to schedule a hearing before a judge?

What do you do when you know if you confront her at her house, the only thing she needs to do is call the Volusia County Sherrif and SAY you hit her and you go off to jail?

What do you do?

Id@

   Get a small pair of gloves and call,  OJ

[qt314nfla]

I had a situation w/ an x-b/f that was going through a divorce.  The visitation had been set up and was in writing.  Her oldest child 15 at the time was not allowed to make the choice to live w/ his dad.  He ran away and came to my house.  She showed up w/ the papers and the police.  The Orange County Sherriff's told me that I had to give her the child because it was not his fathers weekend.  So what the police can and can not do is subjective to each officer.

Follow everyone else though and take the high road.  Document, document, and document some more!  Hopefully the judge will let that information be presented in court.  Beware though wives in Florida get away w/ lying and false allegations and have no penalty or recourse for their actions and how they affect you.  I know this through watching my uncles divorce and my x-b/f's divorce.

Hence the reason I don't want to get married.  I don't like what I've seen and there is no equality in the system especially for men.  Sorry for your luck Nathan.  Hope things get better.

[Loven It]

I tried to head her off for this weekend and get to my daughter before my ex got off of work,,,,apparently my ex thought of that and took the day off and picked her up directly from school.

After I calmed down a bit, I was able to read through the divorce agreement that was filed with the court and am able to prove through that that the weekend schedule she is going by is wrong according to the court,,,,,,I think a judge needs to be involved now.
Id@

Ida - I had a situation where my sons father showed up wanting to see him after 2 yrs of not seeing him. I handed him my cell ph and told him to call the police. 4 sherriffs officers and a county cop show up.

This is what I was told. We were never married, but this is how it was put to us. He asked why - my response was there is not court order that states I have to. They confirmed this and he was told: If you had an official divorce document stating your visitation we could force the mother to hand you the child. It then becomes her situation to take to court if she wishes this not to happen again. She is in violation of the court ordered documentation. They also told us this is usually not something they get involved with and if both parties will not agree (even with court ordered documents) they will call DCF as well. So be careful how you play this.

Friends have gone through a simailar situation and even though the parents change the court order to fit everyones needs (work stuff like that) ultimatley it is what is court ordered. So even though you switch weekends, the court does not care. Techinally if you picked the child up from school, it was moms (court ordered weekend) you get in trouble if mom wants to be nasty and call the police.  Things like that could cause your visitation to be "re-adjusted".

Like everyone else has said - document, document, document!!

Go to the judge with it...

[UncleRico]

If you decide to have her whacked, don't hire an undercover detective to do it.

Apparently, that's peoples first mistake when hiring a hit man. I see this quite frequently on T.V.

[singleshot]

Ida, while I respect everyone's opinion here, you should contact your divorce lawyer and ask that person what you should do.  Your lawyer should be able to tell you what the police can/cannot enforce and how it would look in the eyes of the court.

[speedman8903]

the best thing you can do is take her to court, if she is not following how the weekends are just show the judge. my parents been divorced since i was 2 and im 17 now. i kno the struggle its hard for the kids at the end, but dont worry your daughter will notice that moms aint being fair and she will help u out.

[JayDawg]

First thing I would do about it is pray and ask for the Lord's wisdom and intervention. If you have a pastor or a good friend who is also a Christian, take the problem to them as well and ask for them to be lifting you up in prayer. Next, contact your lawyer and have him or her document everything that has gone on. Sometimes you will nedd to wait for a court date but it will go much more in your favor in the eyes of the courts when they see you are trying to do everything the legal and right way and not do things by taking them into your own hands. After that, call the police and see if they will at least do a police report on your complaint so you have documentation that you did do something. If they decline, ask to speak to their immediate supervisor. If that person does nothing then keep going up the chain of command in a civil manner. If need be, then go to your congressman and explain to them what the police are not doing and see what you can do legally to get them to do their jobs. Keep any phone records of any messages your ex has left or any emails that she has sent that has said that she intends on breaking the agreement with you. That's about all the advice I can give. If you need anything else (prayer for instance) shoot me a pm and let me know.
God bless,
Jason

[LostCause]

ID@--

First i got to say is that when a child is involved in a divorce the outcome of any dispute that you and the mother have the outcome must look at the best interest of the child.

My suggestion for you (and I assume that this is your issue) is this. 

1)  Is this the first time that this has happened?  Or has she not let you get your daughter on your weekends before?

2)  In your papers it should state when you are to have the child.  Try to stick to that as close as possible.

3)  If you have to go to a lawyer... first tell the mother what your intentions are.  This might just put everything back on the right track.

4)  Be prepaired to follow through with your plan....  If you tell her that you are going to the lawyer and things don't change quickly...get to the lawyer.

5)  Remember that the system is there to work for you!!!  It isn't like it was several years ago.  The State of Florida is much better now and I know of many dads that have custody of the child.  NOT THE MOTHER.

6)  Do not let your daughter see yall fight.  She will remember that for a long time.  It takes 10 good things done to correct 1 bad thing.

7)  You may have to swallow your pride and look at the entire picture and the way you need to handle everything so that it is done for the best interest of the child.

[Ida_Mann]

I think as far as my daughter seeing us fight,,,she's only ever seen that once in her 7 years, so I think were doing OK with that,,,,,,,I'd love to talk to an attorney about all this to see what I CAN do, but who can afford that?

Id@

[budman]

When the child is old enough to understand what is going on and able to do something about it,it will come back to bite mom in the a$$. Few things can come between father and daughter.

I had always taken the high road, never spoke badly about the ex EVER in front of my kids, then or now, they are now 30 and 26. I always thought that if I took this approach, they would see that I have been the good guy. Their mother was evil and hateful, always filling their heads with lies, and I always knew they would see the light of day. I saw them regularly throughout their childhood, taking them to Disney, and all of the good things that their selfish mother would not. Even though I did all of this and tried to insulate them from the normal battles divorced parents have, even though I could have taken her to court, she did not mistreat the kids to where they would be hurt. One hates me and blames me for his problems in life, the other is quite indifferent to me. They disrespect me after all of this. Had I known that regardless they would be this way to me, I would have made it more difficult for her. Taken her to court and done whatever to stop her from turning my kids against me when I was not there to defend myself. Didn't seem to make a difference. I say don't just let her get away with anything.

[garym]

1) Always take the high road....be the class act your daughter expects

2) Never see you ex alone...she only has to grab her own neck, make it all red, and you have now physically assaulted her...always bring a witness

3)  someone said document, document, document...I could not agree more....rememeer, if it is not in writing, it was never said or agreed to

best of luck

[renmus]

Unfortunately the high road is usually a toll road.  The tolls are worth it.  Good luck.

[4fittyr]

that happened to me back in 1989   went to court and set up visitation to start the following tues/ thurs and every other weekend, so that following tues i show up to grt my daughter and her mom answers the door and tells me she's not here(back then if u had a cell phone it was in a big bag  haha)  so i went home  3 hrs later sheriff bangs on my door and arrests me for violation of injuction  1000 fine  because i didnt have the court papers. its funny now cause my daughters 17 and i still dont have the papers but when she turned 10 she could decide which parent to stay with and lucky to say she choose me and she turned out just fine a student and the perfect young lady  im very proud of her. good luck in ur battle,its no fun but do ur best my friend

[MudDobber]

It's probably already been said before this post but you can only go by what the divorce settlement stipulates for visitation.  Any other arrangements/agreements between you and the ex will not hold up in court.  If it becomes a legal battle, the original visitation agreement will prevail unless there are extraodinary circumstances to justify otherwise.  I've been in situations where I was given extra visitation through mutual agreement and then had the tables turn to deny visitation during what was stipulated as my time.  My attorney was aggressive as a pitbull with rabies and loves the challenge when that happens so it was squashed immediately.  Extra visitation in the past is not considered when it comes to what is in the legal agreement.  It is in the best interest of all to try and maintain a reasonable relationship with the ex but, typically, that tends to be difficult when you are involved with a significant other or your ex perceives that your children are really enjoying their time with you...the latter in my case anyway.  I don't know the details of your divorce but I have seen where the one of wrongdoing is very protective and insecure with the parent/child relationship out of guilt.